


infested with bugs

by milo_the_fish



Series: desecration [2]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Depressive Episode, Gen, I Projected Heavily Because DSMP Tommy Has Similar Trauma, Mentions of Tommy's Childhood Before SBI, Trauma, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28841445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milo_the_fish/pseuds/milo_the_fish
Summary: He's finally broken, the words destroying Tommy from the inside out, because he was replaced once again.
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: desecration [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108478
Comments: 4
Kudos: 236





	infested with bugs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [червоний птах-you sit on a wire so thin i fear you will fall](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%D1%87%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B2%D0%BE%D0%BD%D0%B8%D0%B9+%D0%BF%D1%82%D0%B0%D1%85-you+sit+on+a+wire+so+thin+i+fear+you+will+fall).



> Sorry this is super short

He tried to ignore the slimy feeling that has been slowly building up his throat, it was stupid, _this was stupid_. It shouldn’t bother him, he hates Phil and Techno, he despises them and loves them like the weak child he is. He still _loves_ them and _yearns_ to be with them again, to pretend like they were a happy family when he knew they weren’t, he knew they never properly cared for him, only guilted by the voices they share, only driven by the shameful feeling the bubbles in your gut telling you that you failed someone. He knows they never did, the proof so evident right now, because they _replaced_ him.

Tommy knows he isn’t the best person to be around, his loud shrieking voice that never _just shuts up_ , and his boundless energy and his endless profanities, and his still ingrained instinct to _take take take, you never know when you will have food or ore next_. He knows that he is annoying, persistent, stubborn, obnoxious, a chaotic feral child. He knows he isn’t lovable, no matter how much he tries to help people, or just survive for them, it’s _never_ enough. There was a point after Wilbur died where he just stopped trying to care, he stopped getting in people’s faces, only doing so if they initiated a conversation with him (which was _rare),_ he stopped taking things without permission, he just, _stopped_. It was better just meeting people’s expectations of him instead of trying to surpass them, it’s not like anyone actually liked him. They only stuck around because of Wilbur, his charisma and wit drawing everyone like a moth to a flame, and Tommy knew that; he just hated how much that thought sent sharp pains through his chest. He knew he was only ever going to be Wilbur’s rambunctiously obnoxious younger brother who was _too_ loud and was a _good-for-nothing_ piece of shit. He was a leech, a parasitic boy, and he knew nobody was ever going to truly love him.

See, he understands all of that, but it still stings when he hears that Ranboo moved in with Techno and Phil, and he knows that... that even the people supposed to love him wanted a different version of him; a better one. Ranboo was polite, kind, he defended people and always helped out in any way he can: the polar opposite of Tommy. He was rude and a dickhead and just took without ever giving back, and he was such a waste of fucking space, why did Tech even take him in? He didn’t need Tommy anymore, he got the anarchy-leaning kid brother that he always wanted, not broken little Tommy, the kid they took off a street corner, the one that is always cautious of new people, the one that doesn’t think about what he says. His replacement was better than he would ever be, and Tommy wants it to stop _hurting_ , the way that his heart is aching for just _someone_ to love him. It’s just that he knows that no-one will, they all leave eventually.

Tommy has never been worth someone staying, always the one that people find a nuisance, everyone in L’Manberg turned on him after Wilbur died, and maybe they blamed him for his brother’s death, and Tommy knows none of them will ever blame him as much as himself. Most days he wishes it was his final life taken, not Wilbur’s, so that maybe Wilbur would finally be free of his greedy and heinous behavior, and all of them would finally be fucking rid of him for good. He wouldn’t come back, like Wilbur did, he’d end up like Schlatt, forever staying in the void and having to think of every horrid thing he has ever done. It’s what he deserves, to rot in some eternity alone, with every terrible, disgusting action replaying in his head over and over again, because that’s what trash like him needs to be punished with.

His mind displays everything he’s done wrong, like some sort of fucked-up movie, and he can’t even move, just debilitated by this horrendous re-enactment of everything terrible about himself. He watches as his younger self steals from drunkards, and how he begs for food from strangers that warped into him extorting them for even just a piece of bread, he can see the first time he met Wilbur, walking anxiously into Phil’s home after he was taken in and when he completely decks the taller boy for just trying to say “Hi” to him, he can see the time he stole some of Tech’s armor and sold it in town to get Wilbur a birthday present, he can see Phil and Techno leaving for another adventure and how he trashed the whole entire house in anger, hitting Wilbur when he tries to intervene. Tommy can watch as he continues to steal, and hurt, and destroy, and Dream’s words just start circling in his head, _It’s not like any of them like you_ , he curls in on himself, trying to hide behind the ender-chest, _Tommy, they don’t want to see you_ , hot tears start to fall down his face, and he wants to stop existing, _I’m your only friend, Tommy, I’m the only one who ever visits you, because they cannot even tolerate you for a few minutes._ He desperately wants to reply back with, “No, they love him, they care about me,” but everyone’s angry faces play back at him, and he knows that every word Dream has ever said to him was true. Now Dream didn’t even want him, and Tommy hates how much he misses the green bastard, because he knows that Dream was never his friend, but he was the _only one_ who even tolerated him.

Maybe Wilbur dealt with him, when they were younger, because they only had each other, but now Wilbur has everyone in L’Manberg, their hearts and souls were his to command, he never would need Tommy again. Maybe that’s why Tommy pulled away from Wilbur after he came back, knowing eventually his brother would leave him, just like everyone else. He braces every day when he wakes up for Wilbur to be gone from their shared bed, maybe a note on their nightstand, telling him everything wrong with him. He wouldn’t put it past Wilbur, his brother was never good at staying with those he despises. Tommy just wonders why he’s been with him so long.

**Author's Note:**

> Why deal with my trauma when I can project onto a severely traumatized 16 year old? Sorry for this depressing whump, I just needed to get out some feelings I have on the new Techno and Ranboo friendship, pertaining really with it making me re-live some of my own trauma. A comfort chapter may be written, idk anyways aha
> 
> my new twitter :) 


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